Department of Personnel

By Karen Vaughn, MEd, LPC, CEAP, SAP

Mental illness. Why are so many people afraid of these words? Does it mean that life is over? Does it mean no recovery? Does it mean a bleak future? Does it mean the end to independence?

I’m sure these are some thoughts that enter a person’s mind when they hear this term. Just as in the case of many physical illnesses, mental illness can be managed or its progression slowed down with early intervention. Trying to convince someone that they need to seek help for their mental health can be a very difficult task -- and can often be due to denial.

When a friend or family member develops a mental health condition, it's important to know that you're not alone. It’s not uncommon to experience caring for a person with mental illness. Mental health professionals have effective treatments for most of these conditions, yet in any given year, only a few of those with a mental illness get the professional care they need. As a result, family members and friends often play a large role in helping and supporting them.

The challenges of mental illness not only affect an individual's family members but also friends, teachers, neighbors, coworkers and others in the community. It can be hard to accept, but people who develop mental health conditions may never be the same as they were before. Expecting the same standards of behavior they exhibited prior to the onset of their mental health condition will only cause frustration and stress for everyone. You need to find a “new normal” -- one that takes the mental health condition into consideration.

The first step is to confront them about your observations. Many times we do not confront a person about our thoughts because of our own fears. We are fearful of how the person will respond. We become concerned about hurting their feelings or losing the relationship. We begin to doubt our own thoughts about what we are seeing in the other person. Keep in mind that addressing things now, as difficult as that might be, will be better in the long run. Always remain respectful and understanding even if they are resistant to your support.

You should be able to provide resources, which means you may have to do some research. Educate yourself about what behaviors you are observing and what they might mean. Find out where a person can go to get help. This does not mean that you diagnose. Please remember that your loved one may not cooperate, mainly because of denial and fear. It is important that you understand where that resistance is coming from. It is most important during this time that you convey support to your loved one. It is important that they feel loved. Ironically, this can often be the hardest time to give support.

Finally, if this person is someone you live with, it is important that you take care of yourself. It can be very stressful living with someone who has a mental condition. It is important to remember you are not alone. There are support groups for families and friends of those with mental illness. Make sure you have your own supports in place and are taking care of your own physical and emotional well-being.

Contact BJC EAP for support at 314.747.7490.

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